Mom never told you about Auntie
Dear Auntie,
I've got two questions that are driving me crazy.
First of all, why do men always assume that if you're friendly and seem to like them ok, of course you want to have sex with them? They even ask you, "Why don't you want to have sex with me?" Like, what am I supposed to tell them? I love my little brother and I LOVE my dog, but I don't want to fuck them, either.
My second question is, when you have a really good time with a guy, and he works real hard to get you into bed, and you decide to go ahead and enjoy yourself and have sex with him, how come the next time you see him he acts like he barely knows you? Is he mentally impaired, or what? This has happened more than once.
Stumped
Dear Stumped,
In the first instance, I suppose we could assume that these men have met only women who do want to have sex with them. But then we'd be making the same mistake they do, wouldn't we?
Actually, these guys have two things going on. Even though they seem to think they're ALL that, don't believe it. It takes them a lot of pop-psych pep talk ("I'm handsome, I'm hot, and, darn it, women want me!"), not to mention the occasional shot of artificial ego (pick your poison), to achieve that attitude of entitlement. Without it, you'd never hear from them at all.
The other thing is something you already know. Guys want sex. Now. And NOW. Ma Nature fixed them up that way, the idea being to try and keep up with the cockroaches for dominion over the Earth. (Cockroach: 'käk-"rowch. Noun. Any of numerous chiefly nocturnal insects; some are domestic pests.) In order to fulfill that biological imperative ("Because Ma said I should!"), they pretty much assume women are wired the same way. Of course, Ma fixed it so baby poop would make them queasy, so they'd hop right back into the cockroach race. Hence the discrepancy in viewpoint.
By the way—you might want to rethink that dog thing.
As for your second question, Auntie is very sorry, dear, but you'll just have to write another letter and ask it again. As it is, the world is in such a kerfuffle that Auntie has her hands quite full sorting things out, one discombobulated soul at a time. You must take turns, but you may ask Auntie anything at all, and won't that make you feel better?
Didn't know you had a rogue auntie?
Auntie's address is AskAuntie.com. Do seal it with a kiss.
Well, Auntie's the black sheep of the family (except when somebody needs a babysitter or a loan). That's why she knows so much. Just ask her.