Animal attraction 102: Rules of the game
It may seem as though the mating game is little more than a crapshoot—at least on those days when you keep coming up snake eyes.
That's not entirely true, though. As with most things, there are rules. Know them, use them, and the odds can shift heavily in your favor.
Rule I. The mere-exposure effect
Remember the song? "The more I see you, the more I want you; somehow this feeling just grows and grows . . . " It's true.
The more people are exposed to something—person, place, or thing-the more they tend to accept it. Prefer it, even. It grows on them. Over time, "familiar" becomes "positive." Advertisers rely on this effect, repeating TV commercials to create demand for their products.
You can use this rule to good effect if you work in the same office or live in the same neighborhood as the person you want to click with. Arrange to walk your dog around the same time she does; "accidentally" ride the same elevator most mornings. Make eye contact, smile, but don't push it. The corollary to exposure is the possibility of overexposure.
You know how you tend to tune out things that are too familiar? You just stop noticing. Worse yet, if the repeated exposure is too obvious or intrusive, it becomes irritating. Possibly threatening, if you act like a stalker. Either way, that's when "mere exposure" turns around and bites you.
So use it carefully. More is not better. Keep it short and sweet (don't hang out under her window). Let a little time pass between encounters (say, every other day, rather than every morning). And make sure your "chance" meetings are very public-having lots of different people around means your face will become that much more familiar.
Rule II. The propinquity principle
This one is closely related to the mere-exposure effect. The more people actually interact with each other, the more likely they are to become friends. Neighbors, coworkers, college classmates, teammates . . . people who belong to the same group tend to assume they have common interests and are more likely to trust each other and to look for things to like about each other.
So, build some trust. Try to see that you have some friends—or at least some interests—in common.
Rule III. The absolute law of attraction
The more people agree with you, the more they are attracted to you. The more they think you are like them, the more attractive they think you are. Explains a great deal about the state of world affairs, doesn't it?
You can use this rule to your advantage by assuming the attitudes of the person you want to impress. This can certainly help you to understand and connect with anybody that interests you.
It can also lead you to large gatherings of potentially compatible members of the opposite sex who may find you wildly attractive: clubs, religious groups, professional societies, volunteer organizations.
If you use it to deceive, of course, you may get laid a few times, but you sure won't make any friends.
On the other hand, take note—this rule works just as well on you.