Animal attraction 101: Laws of the jungle
See that girl across the room? Ba-da-boom! That's the one!
Buy her a drink. She smiles. You chat. She smiles. It's all good. So you ask her out. And she . . . declines.
What happened? What did you do wrong?
Not a thing. She simply wasn't attracted to you.
You must have been on the flip side once or twice, yourself. So you know what it's like when you're simply not attracted to somebody who wants to get with you. You also know it when attraction grabs you. You know where it's pulling you. And you know that without it, you don't get lucky.
Can you make attraction happen?
This is why all those tough guys, outlaws, rogues, rapscallions, phillanderers, and downright bad boys seem to get all the girls. Sure they do—for a night. A few weeks, maybe. Beyond that, all but the most intimidated, besotted women will realize they've hooked up with a stereotype, a guy with all the depth of a wanted poster. A few masochists will stick around. The rest need an actual relationship to keep them interested.
Trouble with the rude-and-cocky act is that it's a parody of the real deal.
Generally, women are indeed strongly attracted to self-confident men. It's a jungle out there, and chances are good that a confident man will be able to take care of a woman—or at least hold his own against the other alpha males. This is also an indication of his reproductive fitness: he'll probably make a good mate and strong babies.
In fact, women are attracted
If world-conquering power isn't on your vitae, though, don't worry. Be funny. That old bromide about a sense of humor may be truer than you realize. We're talking genuine humor here, not flip comments or rude jokes. According to the dictionary, humor is "ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity [that] has the power to evoke laughter." That is, wit. Humor takes intelligence, guys, and intelligence is very attractive. An intelligent man can outwit predators, as well as the other alpha males, and he'll probably fare very well in the jungle, thank you. Also, he'll probably make smart babies.
Now, in most situations, people are attracted (or not) in the blink of an eye, without stopping to analyze the reasons. (Did you run through your pre-flight checklist when you saw that busty blonde across the room?) So if you didn't arrive in a stretch limo, don't resemble the latest Hollywood heartthrob, and don't have any world leaders on speed dial, don't take it personally.
You can still grease the skids.
Assuming you look fairly normal, wash regularly, got over "Miami Vice" and polyester leisure suits (nose rings are iffy), and haven't set your sights on a lady who's a foot taller than you are, you're good to go. Ask her to dance—that stimulates all the good love-buzz brain chemicals. (Don't know how? Learn! Get it right. She probably won't know why, but it works.)
Still no score? Maybe she already had her eye on that other guy, behind you. Nothing personal—take her cue. See that woman over there? Did you catch her eye? Did she look away and then back again? Better yet, did she smile?
What are you waiting for? You're already halfway there!
Keep in mind, above all else, that most women would rather meet an honest guy than a phony. A phony might be fun for a flirt or a quick fuck, but you can't trust 'em. Even if you lack confidence, be disarmingly honest and say so. You see how that works? If you've got the confidence to admit your doubts, you've already cancelled them out. by power, too, in almost any form: celebrity, influence, professional achievement, financial clout. Again, this is all about survival in the jungle and keeping those babies safe and healthy. Unfortunately, since humans are so easily scammed, this power thing can go horribly wrong, as it does in abusive relationships. But we'll assume you're not interested in anything criminal. Not really. Despite what so many self-styled players and seduction experts tell you in their blogs and columns and ebooks, acting flip or rude is not the way to instant babe-dom. It's a mind game designed to throw the other person off balance.