The Upswing of a Long Distance Relationship
The other day I received an email from someone that described the long distance relationship that she and her boyfriend, who she met online, were having. Four months after they starting seeing one another on a regular basis, he got transferred and they now live several hundred miles apart.
It’s been over seven months now and they keep in touch with one another on a daily basis with phone calls, emails and the occasional visits to one another. It’s all been going well so far, in spite of the distance between them, and though their total time together has now been over a year, she is starting to become concerned that maybe there can’t be a future together.
She asked me: Do you think that it’s silly of me to even consider that we might have a future together?
My response to her was that if things are going well now and have been, why let fear start its slow stranglehold on her emotions? No one’s future together is guaranteed and the people we meet and the relationships that we have don’t come with any “This will work out” certificate.
I suggested that she come back to the present and become aware of what was really working for the two of them.
In some cases, a long distance relationship is a blessing because you get to know the other person on a much deeper level when a lot of time is spent talking to one another. The physical distance between the two of them has been giving them time to get to know one another by each one expressing and paying attention to one another’s dreams, values, hopes, fears, goals, perceptions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs. The sharing of each one’s self in this manner can’t do anything but foster intimacy.
In many ways, constructing a relationship over a long distance works better in building communication between one another because they can’t see one another all the time-and therefore avoid running into the “too much, too soon” rut...or into just plain boredom.
How many people live together or see one another all the time, and sit down and have heart to heart talks even though they can face one another? Not many. Reporting about one’s day is not the same as sharing one another’s thoughts on a deep level. Many married couples have learned this quite well, much to their dismay.
Whoever said: “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?” She was happy with how things were going as was he, so why not let things be?
I pointed out that they must be doing something right for them to have continued on in their relationship in spite of him having to have moved so soon within starting it.
Besides, wasn’t the sexual anticipation that built up between visits worth the while?
It was, and so in thinking about, she decided it was more important to continue enjoying the present than to worry about guarantying a future. Now that’s healthy thinking!