Slow Down the Love Word
I came across something the other day that really made me sit up and take notice. It’s something that I’ve seen before but it wasn’t until it became more personal for me that I’m able to really bring it out into the open.
Being a bi-curious female, I have in the past placed an ad stating my desire to opening myself up to the experience and wondering what it might be like to just go for it, even if it was for only one time. I will never forget my first response. It scared the hell out of me.
This woman-who was very good looking, by the way-came back at me with emails so full of affection and desire and scenarios of romance in such a short period of time that my initial reaction was to back way off. I felt bad for that because I could see that she meant no harm-but when she went on into moving in together and us being probable life long girlfriends, a huge warning signal flashed off within me. It was too much for me, and her neediness for love came through so loud and clear that in the end, we never met. After that experience, I didn’t place an ad again for a long time.
Then, a couple of months ago, I ran another ad. I received a response from a woman my age and again, by the second and third email, the scenarios of romance and love were so deep, so complete, so detailed and hungry that I again backed off. That was when I became aware of something that I’ve heard men say that we women do but I’ve never seen it reflected so clearly before…and that is the talking about love and romance so early on.
I think it may be easier for women to love and to open themselves up to love, but expressing that to a complete stranger-particularly one that you’d like to meet-is not the way to draw people closer. A lot of people are wary of people who offer the ‘love’ word so easily and so soon. It scares them off. The person offering it may indeed be a healthy, vital loving soul who just knows what she wants and needs, but in truth, anyone offering their ‘love’ so soon after that initial correspondence is going to appear to be unhealthy, needy, clingy and desperate. And we all know that people who appear needy and desperate will have a much less chance of actually attaining what they need-which, of course, is love.
I think some women need to be much more careful in their responses to not only other women, but men too. You don’t need to offer your heart and soul and home and everything you have right off the bat and you shouldn’t. Keep the impulsiveness to create a scenario that fits your daydreams down to a minimum and give the other person a chance to know you. It’s really a much healthier way.