Let’s Pull Back on the Sacrificing
Today I was listening as a co-worker told me about some of the troubles that she’s experiencing with her boyfriend.
It seems that they had been working for the same company when they met and began a relationship. She advanced within the company first and for a little while, she became his superior.
She was glad for the promotion, but wary of what it would do to their relationship since he was now ‘under’ her: but he soon received his own promotion and they became on equal footing. By then, they had progressed far enough in their relationship to where they were now living together.
Since holding the same title did not require that the two of them be within the same spot, she decided that she would leave the territory that she had worked so hard to build up and give it to him, so that he would find the transition into his new position a bit easier. She then took over a new territory that required an hour’s commute instead of the ten minute one that she had had; but since their relationship was first in her life, she had decided that anything would be worth keeping them happy. It seemed to work for a little while too; until she came home exhausted recently after another fourteen hour day and he casually informed her that he was thinking that he needed a change in his life. Now she’s under the stress of what she gave up while now in this new area that she can’t very well give up; and she feels stuck and hurt and abandoned, and completely confused as to how he could do this to her.
As I listened to this young woman speak, it struck me again how often we females sacrifice for the sake of our loved other. It seems to be a natural generosity that we have, to give to the ones we love (especially within that “special relationship”) and to put ourselves kind of on the back burner for the sake of that relationship, figuring that it would all balance out one day. To give up so much, so willing, for the sake of love and have it unappreciated, ignored or treated with indifference, is a hefty blow to our psyche’s that leaves many females wary about what they should offer in the future. And still, the impulse seems to lie within us and we find that we have to caution ourselves to re-think future decisions.
I’ve heard too many stories of the sacrifices a loving girl has given up for the sake of love, only to be shattered by the end result. Having been one of these girls myself, I’ve come the long way around to learn that taking care of one’s self should be as much as a priority as the generosity was in helping our ‘other’. I say now: Let him make his own way. You’ve earned what you got—now make sure you keep it for yourself.