Choosing Wiser
I came across a presentation for a workshop today that stated that women’s top concerns for becoming involved with a man are: boundaries, pornography, infidelity and commitment. Sex, affection and intimacy didn’t even make this list and I wondered why. So I went and looked up each word and offer a simple explanation for you here even though we’ve all heard the words-
Boundaries: anything indicating a limit.
Pornography: sexually explicit material that sometimes equates sex with power and violence.
Infidelity: Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner.
Commitment: A pledge to do. The state of being bound emotionally to someone.
When I sat back and studied the meaning of these words, I began to see why the people running this workshop said that these were main “man” concerns. It makes sense really, if you look at it.
What they are saying is:
If a woman is with a man who is not respecting when she says no, conflict will ensue.
If a woman is with a man who enjoys a lot of pornography, conflict will ensue.
If a woman is with a man who has been unfaithful to her, conflict will ensue.
If a woman is with a man who made a commitment to her and then broke it, conflict will ensue.
Sex, affection and intimacy will be the first expressions of love and fondness to be affected.
Why? Because what woman is able to fully give of herself if any of the above mentioned is causing her distress?
Women love Love. We love to give it, to feel it, to express it. But if there’s something poking us in our hearts and hurting us, the feeling for the physical expression of our love can’t be given from within wholeheartedly; and when that happens, we feel a loss.
For every woman who has now reached her thirties and beyond, it would be pretty safe to say that she has experienced a variety of men in her lifetime so far. She’s had kindness and neglect; attention and dismissal; shared lovemaking or had sex. She’s been made to feel like she matters and often made to feel like she doesn’t. She’s tried her best, sometimes succeeded, maybe oftentimes failed. In the end, she was left with the residue of what she was given by any chosen man in her life.
I think it is very important for women-vitally important-that we start moving away from the fairy tales of our youth of what portrayed love and men and start facing men as they are-and not how we wished them to be. It’s time that we start recognizing what we value as individuals and start becoming smarter about the men that we chose to become intimate with. There are many good, kind loving men in this world that are looking for a woman to give themselves to. Do we really want to tell them or pass them by because we’re still looking for the fairy tale?
We have choices. Let’s start making good ones.