A Little about Guilt-Free Sex
The other day I was in conversation with a man I admire very much when he wrote: “Isn’t it okay to want to have guilt-free sex?” And I thought: “What a great topic.”
Guilt-free sex. Oh, the number of women who would love to experience that. The “be-a-good-girl” syndrome is so ingrained in us that it’s almost become a cultural thing, having to be-in-love-before-you-have-sex kind of thing. Of course everyone would like to be in love and share sex in that way but you know; sometimes you’re not in love and can still have great sex.
I learned this sometime last year when I had sex with a man that I didn’t expect to be attracted to. It's been a long time for me though not as long as for him (typical of males and females) and it was a good experience. I remember thinking that I had no guilt and if this is what guilt-free sex was, now I could at least understand a part of it.
Have you ever been one of those people who believed with all your heart that you had to be in love and in a relationship before you could even think about having sex and going to bed with someone? I have been one of these people and though I still am to much a degree, there is something to be said about having some intimacy with someone who finds you attractive and places no demands on you in any way. Particularly (or especially) if you’re involved in a relationship where no affection is forthcoming. It helps to keep you going, helps to put back some of the lost self-esteem that comes from not being able to share the intimacy that you’d like to share, with one person in particular.
In asking some of the men I know about how they feel about guilt-free sex, the reaction I received was: “Yea, so what?” In asking some of the women I know about guilt-free sex, there was a mixed reaction of: “I’d love to” and “Yes, I’ve done it.” The ones who wanted to experience it were dissatisfied and unhappy in their current relationships; the ones who had had the guilt-free sex had decided somewhere and sometime in their relationships, that if they were going to be involved with someone who didn’t want them, that they were not just going to sit back and accept that verdict. As for some of the others, they had apparently come to terms with the idea that if they were going to remain single longer than they desired to, that if a friend expressed some interest in “getting together” (or a blind date)—their thought was: “Well, why not?” And you know, in many ways, I can’t blame them. We all need intimacy and to feel connected to another person, even if it is not in the be-all long-term forever-relationship that is desired.
So is guilt-free sex okay? As long as both people agree what it’s about.