Promises, Promises…
There's always plenty to do at the beginning of a new year, and although I don't ordinarily like painting myself into a corner by making promises I can't possibly keep, this year seemed ripe for resolutions.
The key word here, is "seemed." I have already scuttled some of my noble intentions, not having the spine to back up some of those things which would make my online dating experiences more honest, if not more fun.
For example, I thought it would be a good idea to stop using my Web cam at an angle which shows a clean work surface (actually a poster of one) in the background; anyone who knows me (or any other writer, for that matter,) would know the ruse as soon as they realized the place didn't have that usual, "freshly-bombed" look of my office.
Also, it's probably not really nice of me to offer to show my pussy to unsuspecting victims over the Web cam, only to hold up one of the kittens that's usually roaming around my house. From what I understand, that one's not very popular with the other party who has disrobed in their cubicle at work, pointer in hand, and at the ready for more than indicating their progress on a chart. It's been my personal experience that the pussy thing is only mildly amusing once per video chat. After that, you've either gotta ante up with the real deal, or make sure they never, ever find out where your office really is.
Eating problems: I've decided that any dates who have a problem with the way I eat, can just find somebody else to do it. Dieting? I blow that one (what double entendre?) regularly without ever needing a New Year's resolution.
So, what's left? I still haven't blown a couple of my resolutions: Not answering sexual proposals with hysterical laughter, and not standing up on the table in the restaurant and screaming at the top of my lungs, "What do you mean you forgot to bring the condoms!" on the first date.
Okay, so I haven't had any good sexual proposals or hot restaurant dates yet this year … but it's always good to have my resolve in place – just in case.