The Blow Job is Enough?
A common complaint I hear women say who are involved in a long-term relationship is: “Why doesn’t he want sex anymore?”
A common complaint I hear men say who are involved in long-term relationship is: “Why doesn’t she want sex anymore?”
Now here’s the kicker: if you spoke to both sexes within any of these relationships, you would find that each individual considers themselves to be horny, interested and ready to play: but sees the other person as “not being interested.”
How can so many people be horny and yet there not be lots of sex going on?
It doesn’t take a wise man to see that if someone is saying that they want to have sex with their partner but that their partner is not interested and yet their partner is saying the exact same thing, that there is a deeper problem here than is being brought to the surface. For in reality, there aren’t too many people who don’t want to connect with their partner sexually. So what’s going on? Why aren’t more couples connecting?
Well, here’s a reason that a man told me just the other day that completely took me by surprise. He said: “I got selfish and lazy.” What did he mean? He responded: “It became easier for me to expect that she would satisfy me without me having to do much of anything to her. In other words--”
“It was enough receiving a blow job,” I finished the sentence for him. He nodded. “That’s about right.”
I appreciated his honesty but I sure as hell didn’t like his answer. Selfishness? Laziness? What was he saying: that some guys find that just getting a hard-on relieved by his long-term partner was enough? He had the grace to look half-embarrassed. “It’s just the way we are,” he tried to explain to me.
I don’t know what my response to that yet is as I’m still processing it. I realize that he is not speaking for all guys but in many ways, he is speaking for a lot of guys. That alone gives a woman pause for thought.
I saw a comedy show recently that had a man coincidentally talking about the same thing. He said it was really simple to understand men if women just paid attention. “If a guy is interested, he gets hard and if he gets relief, he’s happy,” he said and the camera flashed upon an audience of men roaring with laughter and nodding. It made me think of all the women who have said: “Its men like these that make me think about turning into a lesbian.” (I’m sure the straight and true lesbians wouldn’t appreciate that but still, they’d get it.)
So what’s a woman to do if that’s all it takes to keep her man happy? Accept it? Fight it? Take a lover? Get a vibrator? Rely on masturbation?
I polled several women who all nodded their heads in resignation. “All of the above,” was the consensus.
Ouch.