So Far…
Sometimes dreams shared with someone are hard to let go of. Like maybe some of the dreams that you’ve been hanging on to that include your ex-husband or ex-wife.
It took me years to wean myself off the dreams that my ex-husband and I had built. It’s not even that we had had so much time together that we had proven over time that our plans and dreams would have gone that way: but we had both believed in them and because of that, when the marriage ended unexpectedly, I felt as if my only chance for those dreams to come true had now been crushed out of existence.
Sometimes we think what we want can only happen with one person.
In truth, because of age and time, sometimes the things (Life) we wanted could only have been back then when we were with you-know-who. Like if you married later in life and wanted a bunch of kids. By the time you freed yourself and started over again after the divorce, you were now well into your forties and you knew that the dream of having a flock of kids was gone forever. Sometimes that’s just the way it ends.
The recognition of those dreams gone hurt deeply. The letting go of the dreams are extremely painful and difficult; and it’s easy to believe that all you had once wanted would have come true if only this and that had not happened.
But accepting and releasing what once was must be practiced in order to allow your self enough space within to remain open to another new love entering our life.
“Who wants a new love?” you may moan. You may be feeling so burned from the last one that you are deeply convinced that never again could you ever love again like you did your ex.
There may be some truth to this, too. Again, because of where you were back then and who you were back then, you may not love another in quite the same way as you did your ex. But this in no way should translate to you that love itself is forever out of your grasp. Just because the one we’ve felt the most for is no longer in our present merely means that so far, that is the person we have loved the most. So far.
We have to keep our hearts open in order for others to recognize our capacity to give and receive.
Sometimes we think we’re ready and we bemoan that no one has come along that we want to give our love to. We’ve become scared and defensive and resentful when we think of all the work we’ve done to move ahead and yet a new love has not been spotted on the horizon.
It’s okay to feel these feelings. They’re normal for people who’ve had to start over by rising from the ashes again. But never is it alright to cheat ourselves out of caring for someone again.