Bi - Chance?
Part II: Online Explorations of Bi Behavior
As stated in Part I of this series of articles on bi-ness in today’s culture, “If a man’s deep-seated self-conception is based on society’s belief that he might be considered ‘gay’ if he shows emotion or affection, is it a surprise that by the age of 40 many males are finding the need to develop dual identities? One being the ‘normal straight’ hubby at home and the other being the ‘bi-curious’ male,” especially on the internet. The latter part of this statement is being acted upon in a BIG way and often as a result of contacts made online; brave steps are being taken into “real time” by those who have given in to the curiosity. What might have only ever been a “fantasy” is now, because of the net, finding its way into “reality.”
Women who have been typically “straight” are also becoming more intrigued with the idea of perhaps trying sex with other women and are actually highly encouraged by their male partner. It’s interesting that most women are not wrapped up in the “sex with same gender” stigma that men are though.
This can be observed by entering a couples’ chat room. The male partner boasts proudly that his woman is bi. The value of the couple goes up several notches if the female partner IS bi. Often while reading profiles of the couple, it can be noted that they seek out and would most likely respond to other couples offering a bi woman.
The male may well be bi but he is very cautious about revealing that piece of information. He is worried the other men will consider him gay and/or a threat to their masculinity so his behavior is mostly straight. When in a singles chat room, the bi men who are basically seeking female company are VERY hush hush about their alternative sexual orientation.
The man’s perception is that straight women are not going to be interested in men who are bi and if they even have “bisexual” on their profile, they think it will lessen their chances of procuring dates from women. So they assume it prudent to hide this fact. It appears that there has to be a deep level of trust established between a “closet” bi male and his potential “hot” date with a female before his “bi-ness” is disclosed. Yet, a female, if bi, has absolutely NO compunction about making this known. I find this a sad reality.
As a woman on the cyber highway, I have experienced over ten men instant messaging me in a few minutes’ time, ALL of whom asked if I was bi. This is one of the top 3 questions posed and my usual answer is “above the waist only. Are you bi?” (LOL) Most of which answer very quickly with an emphatic “NO WAY!” Then I say, “Oh too bad.” This seems to elicit a truth serum effect and opens a whole new discussion about what is REALLY lurking behind that screen. It can be quite amusing.
Some women call themselves “bi above the waist” which means they do not have any interest in performing oral sex with other women but they do enjoy stroking and fondling, maybe even kissing or sucking nipples. They have no problem in group situations touching, brushing up against other women and might even enjoy being eaten by other women. They just do not have any desire to reciprocate the “oral” part of the exercise. This should not be judged as “phobic,” but rather that it is simply not her naturalness to do so. There is certainly NO emotional or societal pressure hanging over her head to prevent her from performing this act, like there is for man-to-man. Homophobic men often feel uncomfortable just being next to other men.
My partner and I have had a couples profile and have explored couples chat rooms. We have scoured the ads, met a few couples, talked to dozens and thoroughly enjoy the idea of sharing sensuality. There does not need to be limitations on age, race, sexual orientation, or class status to enjoy sharing sexual energy. If it doesn’t turn out to meet your expectations (which you should try to minimize) it doesn’t need to be repeated but can still be appreciated as an adventure and learning experience. There really should be no distinction between gender proclivities as long as you feel safe, enjoy being pleasured and enjoy the endless delights of giving pleasure. I say, “Bi all means.”